i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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