I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
