remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize