so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
