I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
