why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
