I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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