I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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