I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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