No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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