i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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