I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
