I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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