You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
