Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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