belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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