No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
