I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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