I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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