dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
