he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
