you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
