Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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