before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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