I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
