Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
