is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
