Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
