I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You've changed since you got that strap on
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
