Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
