So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
