After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
