Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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