it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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