Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
