mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
