It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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