So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
