if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
