i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
