U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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