A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
