By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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