there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
