never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
