i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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