Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
