White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
