You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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