A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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