woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
