i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
