You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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