well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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