Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
