Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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