I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
