so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
