So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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