Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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