Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
