i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
