garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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