How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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