Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
