you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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