I CAN MOONWALK!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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